The Stories We Could Tell

Talkin' to myself again
wonderin' if this traveling is good   
Is they're something else a doin'
We'd be doin' if we could

All the stories we could tell
If it all blows up and goes to hell
I wish that we could sit upon the bed in some hotel
And listen to the stories we could tell
-Jimmy Buffett, "The Stories We Could Tell".

     Whenever I hear this song by Jimmy Buffett I always get nostalgic about the memories and stories that I hang onto. Some of them I still am amazed by. Some are sad, some funny. I have a lot of memories that make me lonely for my kids, and a few that make me glad they no longer live with me! It's fun to look back and treasure the snapshots of the past we can recollect. The good memories. The happy times. Yet we all have memories we wish we could erase and be free of. Words spoken in anger, lapses of good judgment, and moments we let our egos have free rein.

     Dwelling on past mistakes can hamper our growth as we strive to live authentic lives. As can relying solely on past successes to fuel our present. Perfection isn't one of the stories that any one of us can claim. So in order for us to flourish and grow we need to begin forgiving ourselves for the past and let it go. But by the same token, the good memories are just that- memories. Glimpses into the past that we should treasure while looking ahead and making more. Using the good and the not so good as tools to spur our growth. Learning the valuable lessons that looking back can teach us and utilizing what we can to build on our self esteem. So let's go put that Letter-man's jacket away, give yourself a high-five and get out there! You have memories to make!





    

Change Is The Only Constant~ Unknown

     Change happens. From life altering loss, to the daily adjustment of plans. Divorce, loss of employment, illness, and the periodic flat tire. There have been times in my life when change has been tough. Life has dragged me kicking and screaming into the next chapter whether I wanted to go or not. Other times change was hoped for, welcomed with open arms. Sometimes change was planned. Blood, sweat, and tears expended. Change happens. Ready, willing, or not. How you react is going to determine if it is an easy transition or if you are going to leave claw marks on the door jamb. Too many times when I had to face unwelcome change, it would become all about me. I would forget the loved ones around me that the change was also affecting. Opportunities for empathetic team work were trod underfoot, and esteems damaged. On the other hand, desired change sometimes never happened because I would simply wish for it. The effort was half-hearted or not made at all. I wanted to be able to snap my fingers and life would be different. It has been said, "Man plans and God laughs". I don't believe that is true , but it sure feels at times that it could be.

     So what is the change you are facing? Is it a frustrating glitch in your day? Or is it something bigger? Are you winging your response or are you being proactive? Are you being empathetic to the other people that this change is affecting? You can do this! You may have no choice, but a positive attitude might make all the difference. You may just have to learn to change a tire.

"The Go Giver" -Book Review

     "The Go Giver- A little story about a powerful business idea." A book by Bob Burg and David Mann.


A little story about a powerful business idea.

This is a story about a guy named Joe. Joe is a "go getter"! A salesman that, try as he might he can't fill his quota for the quarter. So in a last ditch effort he asks for help from the legendary "Pendar"- that's really his name- to obtain the secret of "stratospheric success". Pendar takes Joe, over the course of a few weeks, on a tour of the city, where he is introduced to some "go givers". People who are successful in their endeavors because they helped others to be successful. Over the course of the book Joe learns the five secrets to "stratospheric success":
    
     The Law of Value.
     The Law of Compensation.
     The Law of Influence.
     The Law of Authenticity.
     The Law of Receptivity.

     This is an engaging book that I picked up after it was recommended by a friend. The concept is straight forward and was plucked straight out of the Bible. "Give and you shall receive". A concept that is pretty much unheeded in the world today as it seems everyone is subscribing to the "It's all about me" philosophy. Zig Ziglar says, "You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want". Check it out. This book is worth a read but is a bit pricey. Perhaps the authors should read it. You might see if your local library has a copy.

    

Fear Not!

     I hate being startled awake by a dream of falling. Like Wile E. Coyote scrambling for a non-existent Acme parachute, I am jolted awake in terror. I have spent a day on the dirt bike, and that night caught awesome air in my dreams just to have the bike disappear. As I plummet toward earth my whole body spasms, startling both myself and my wife awake. Buses, trains, and cars have also been flying through the air just to vanish. Leaving me in mid flight and falling into an abyss. What the heck? Why am I not buckling my seat belt?

     Psychologists believe that the fear of falling is the only fear we have that is not learned. This phenomena in infants is called the Moro reflex. I'm not sure what it is called when a middle aged guy is falling off of cliffs in his dreams. (Messed up would be a good term since this is a family show). According to Ernst Morrow- the Austrian pediatrician who originally began studying why infants experience sudden bouts of terror- the fear of falling is innate to us as human beings. In babies, it is characterized by a gasp and arms flung wide in an effort to grasp and hold on to something. Crying usually follows. Wow, just like my experiences. OK, not the crying. Usually.

     If the Moro reflex is the only fear that is not learned, where do we learn all of our other fears? Some fears are good, they may save us from certain destruction, but most fears are not good. They hold us back from experiencing much of what life on this rock offers. Past bad experiences can lead to the expectation of the same outcome or can cause us to develop a phobia. Though many of our fears were shared with us by our parents either through actions or words.

     What are your biggest fears? Do they have a name or is it just vague feelings of impending doom? What are they keeping you from experiencing? Are they good or bad? How did you learn these fears? Are they justifiable?

     If FDR was right in: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself", what could you do to get rid of this fear? List three things that you can do, then do them!

    

Why Do Smart People Do Dumb Things?

    

Have you ever wondered why smart people do dumb things? Consider the floundering and moral failings we have witnessed in past elections. We typically attribute these political suicides to idiocy and yet these people are obviously intelligent. So what gives? Why does one trade all of his effort and dreams for a moment of sordid passion? Not only has adultery and sexual deviancy been front page news, we have watched as careers derailed due to greed and the perversity of power. Financial faux pas, fraud and tax evasion seem to be the order of the day. Due to the microscope they are under, politicians and celebrities "sins" are broadcast so that the entire world can smugly; roll eyes, "tut-tut", and point fingers. 



Learn More!

     How does your child react if given a choice between a treat now or if he waits for three hours he can have two treats? How would you react? The willingness to toss away the bigger prize in the interest of instant gratification is a matter of emotional intelligence not cognitive intelligence. Emotions gone wild will more often than not overpower a high IQ. So how do we rein in our emotions so that we don't do dumb things? Fortunately our EQ or emotional quotient can be raised. It is simply a matter of self examination and a desire to be in control of our reactions. Here is a list of emotions to help you out. If you would like a free, no obligation coaching session email me here.

Crispy?

   Keeping a finger on the pulse of your sanity can seem to be a full time job. Yet if you do not at least do a periodic check-up from the neck up, burnout can sneak up on you. Putting your business, and income potential, as well as your relationships, and health at risk. Resulting in the very real possibility of it consuming everything you might deem important and hold dear. Business owners, especially start-ups, are particularly vulnerable because they tend to never leave work at work. Though we are all susceptible, no matter what path we are walking. Burnout can be caused from a wide range of stressors yet if you are attuned to the warning signs it can be avoided. Here are some things to watch. Not an all inclusive list, just some ideas to help you start paying attention to what your body and emotions are telling you.

1. Overall attitude. What is your general outlook on life? Are you looking forward to a bright future or does it look pretty dismal?

2. Do you feel drained of energy? Run down physically and emotionally?

3. Do small things throughout your day irritate you?

4. Feeling unappreciated? Under-valued?

5. How are you treating people with whom you are interacting? Has something changed?

6. Alcohol consumption at a dangerous level?

Here are a few ideas for avoiding burnout:

1. Be aware of danger signs.

2. Exercise. You don't have to join a gym or enter a Mr. Universe contest; a thirty minute walk 4-5 times per week will do wonders.

3. Meditate. Learn why and how here.

4. Take time away from the stressors. Vacation.

5. Leave work at work. If that is not possible set a time to be finished, and figure out a way to give your day closure. Read some fiction. Watch some pointless television or go and take your walk.

Burnout can be devastating, but it can be avoided. If you are dealing with this now, please send me an email for a free no obligation coaching session. Together we will come up with a plan for tomorrow.